The Death Eater Remy and His End
by danechka
Summary: AU- Remus narrates from his seventh year until the Battle of Hogwarts. From the birth and life of an illegitimate witch and the love protecting the Boy Who Lived, we see the effects of Lily Evan's eyes on the wizarding world. Heavy focus on relationships of Marauders, Lily, Snape, (later) Tonks. T for mature and dark themes. Brief LE/SB then normal pairings.. updates often.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone. I have been off FF for several years, but you all know that one fan theory, AU, unexplored character, plot twist, and OC that you've spent far too many hours thinking about to simply ignore? Well, I've had most of this story sketched out (and filled in) for years anyway and it would be such a shame to let it die in a notebook in a closet somewhere.. I'm not exactly sure how to categorise this story: it's certainly dramatic and deals heavily with friendship, but there is tragedy, adventure, and a bit of misplaced romance. Although the plot of the story is propelled by the daughter of Lily and Sirius, the more that I outlined the story, the more I found myself exploring some of the characters I find most interesting. Initially, I didn't like Lily and James, but this story made them real to me in a way the books did not. If you want to read about the Marauders, Lily, and Snape during the First War, Tonks and Charlie at school, and the actions driven by the unrequited love of Severus Snape, please read and review. I did my best to bring life to these characters in ways we haven't officially seen (yet... because I'm sure JK will get around to writing about the Marauders in depth... I mean, her fans love them: how could she not?). As the story needs only to be edited (and sometimes typed from original), I'll be adding only 2000 words per week until after NaNoWriMo. Anyway, enjoy.  
>Dani<p>

* * *

><p>It all happened quite long ago, but I can feel every moment, every memory, at the forefront of my mind. These instances are at my fingertips; ready for me to dive in and indulge in the sweetest minutes of my life. And of course they weren't all spent with them, with her: I raised a child, after all. I had a wife and my own little son, even if it was not for such a long time. But these memories of my childhood, my adolescence, and the people who were with me as I grew up are the most important to me. When you are in my position, it is hard to find people who will take you as you are and stay by your side. The Marauders made my life mean something. Lily gave me hope.<p>

But this story is not really about me: I am a dead man, and although my life had a great impact on a few good people, there were so many others who lived and died by my side who touched many more. There was a girl born one snowy winter to a woman with a heart that could have held all the broken lives surrounding her. There was a man who loved this woman who gave her life for her son, this woman who dedicated her life to making the world safe for her daughter, this woman who spent her life making the least feel great. Although his love was great, I cannot be the one to tell his story, and I am not here to tell you about him.

So what is this story really about? It is about a time of peace bracketed by wars that destroyed nearly all the good that I ever knew. It is about the innocent who died for the good of the next generation at the hands of the old. I could start this story long before I was even born, but the easiest thing to do would be to follow the girl born from the ashes of her mother's soul. I want to start with these confusing, happy, adolescent memories. I want you to see what high hopes and ideals we were living for. I want you to see the pain of living in a time when no one was safe. I want you to see the eye of the storm and the return of evil. And I want you to see the aftermath, and understand how we suffered. And I want you to see that at the centre of it all were Lily Evan's green eyes.


	2. Part 1: Chapter 1

I'd upload more but I have to catch a bus home. Expect an update on 13th or 14th OCT (not Nov..).

* * *

><p>Autumn frost lined the window and created a frame for the pale image of foggy dawn outside. The fire had kept burning through the night, but the common room still seemed too cold for so early in the school year. It was Saturday, and there were only a few students in Gryffindor Tower who would wake up this early when they didn't need to. This morning there was only me and the Head Girl, and I was lingering too long at the bottom of the stairs. I felt that she had heard me, that her focus on the pages in front of her were an act so she wouldn't have to take the time to converse. Although we had become close in the last two years, I knew I was not someone she would put her books down for. At any rate, how was she to know it was me?<p>

I let out a low cough as my body shivered, and I made myself known earlier than I had wanted to. She barely lifted her head.

'Remus.'

It wasn't a question, but it also wasn't the simple acknowledgement of my presence in the room. It was an indication of her relief. She had breathed it out to reassure herself; _it's only Remus_.

'I'm not interrupting, am I?' It would be a lie if I said I wasn't shy of her beauty. Sometimes I became aware of her silky dark red hair and perfectly almond-shaped emerald eyes, and I wanted to turn my scarred cheeks away and avert my muddy green gaze, lest they catch her shining one.

She simply moved her feet slightly on the couch, and yet the gesture appeared to me as the warmest invitation to join a person that I had ever received. I approached but couldn't sit. It was too clear that she had been crying. At that moment I realised that as I watched her, she hadn't lifted a finger. She hadn't turned a single page. Her eyes had glossed over. I remembered that she had invited me to her and I sat.

For a while she didn't say a word, and continued to stare at the open book, but when I parted my lips slightly and readied my tongue to roll out 'Lily' she spoke over me: 'You don't know much about Severus, do you?

'I thought about him a lot this summer. About what happened, what he said, what _I _said... I realise that after I stopped speaking to him, I used you to fill the void he left in my heart. I...' she waited for me to look up from my hands and into her eyes. She liked to speak directly to me, I had noticed.

'Remus, I'm sorry. That isn't what I meant, really. I said it all wrong. You are my closest friend here. Now, I'm not saying that my friendship with Sev was so easily replaced, but I don't think that my attraction to you is trivial, or simply based on my need for a friend... It's too early in the morning and I'm not sure what I'm saying,' she tugged nervously at her left sleeve and I instinctively took hold of her hand.

I had never seen her so troubled. I touched her fingers carefully; to comfort her, but not be too familiar. Our friendship had grown radically from casual acquaintance to inseparable comradery in the span of about a month, right after she had told her former best friend to leave her be. Our separation during the summer was difficult, even though at first we wrote to each other every day. But in sixth year we reached a comparable level of trust in one another, though our _need_, as she called it (quite correctly) had diminished. Since beginning our last year of school, she had seemed odd. I, too, was having troubling thoughts, but I had been careful to cast them aside as best I could.

'I think it is a bit early. Listen, I don't think that's all I am to you. Obviously we both were a bit needy at that time; we were sixteen, I was feeling a strain on my friendships and you had just lost yours. Just because we were lonely at the same time doesn't mean our friendship is nothing,' I said, letting go of her hand. I felt I had held it too long.

She didn't say anything for a while. When she visibly composed herself, she began to read. Her knee applied gentle pressure on my leg, and I knew that her touch signified gratitude that I had listened for just a moment and reassured her without a thought. I didn't know what was bothering her exactly, but I understood that she just needed to know that there was someone by her side, and she wasn't friendless at the start of her seventh year at Hogwarts.

At around 9 o'clock a few first and second years stirred and clambered down the stairs towards breakfast. The frost was gone and replaced with a light dew, and the fog had dispersed. The fire was crackling steadily as Lily decided it was no longer the time to catch up on her Charms reading and placed the large blue book down on the low table in front of her. She glanced at me a muttered something about being hungry.

We ate breakfast in near silence, not only because neither of us were feeling talkative but also because there were only about a dozen other students seated in the hall and it seemed wrong to disturb the peace that so rarely graced the Great Hall.

'Do you want to take a walk before you go back to your homework?' I asked. I wanted to hear what she had to say about Snape without prying. She never pushed me about my problems at home, or concerning my condition, so I tried to offer her the same courtesy. She considered for a moment. 'Actually, that would be just the thing to clear my head. And the weather looks so lovely, I don't think I'll even need a sweater.'

We stood up and made our way past the students who were now filling the Hall. The sun provided a comforting warmth to our faces, but the late September air was already finding its way through our robes and shirts so we walked closely together. We hadn't walked far from the front doors when Lily stopped suddenly.

'You're being so patient with me about this,' she began. 'You know I want to talk to you.'

I nodded. 'I know you must want to talk through it. You were so vague about it last year, but I suppose it was all still very fresh.'

'It still seems that way.'

She tensed up. 'It isn't _fair_ that I had to lose my only friend. My first friend. Everyone here has someone except me. How could he think that I'm less than him and his little clique just because my parents weren't wizards? He's the one who taught me what I was in the first place!

'Remus, I can't be crazy. Something happened, something went wrong... I thought he was so close to me. I thought I was important to him.'

I squeezed her arm, but didn't say anything. How could I comfort her? People change like that. My friends at home stayed away after the attack that left me a werewolf. Word eventually got around, and mothers didn't want their children playing with a monster. My own parents were wary of me, not to mention ashamed, for years until they came to accept what I was. Lily did not seem to mind my silent support and we stood in a covered stone courtyard for a few minutes.

The loud hoot of an owl in the rafters nearby roused us from our chilly contemplation. I shivered and looked over at my friend. She smiled weakly and whispered, 'I guess in the end, your bully friends are better people than my pureblood one. I should give James another chance, shouldn't I?'

That question caught me off guard and the words of comfort I'd been ready to lend her were erased from my head. James? Really? At first I had been certain that his feelings for her were real, but over time people come to expect things from you and you live up to them. I thought his feelings now were an act; everyone knew James loved Lily, so James made a point of showing off in front of her, proving to the students that he was exactly what they thought he was.

'You... you've got a soft spot for him, haven't you? I know you don't hate him-'

Lily snorted. 'Of course I don't hate him. He used to torment my best friend, not to mention every Slytherin, a handful of Hufflepuffs, far too many first years, a few professors...'

'To be fair,' I argued playfully, 'no one likes Binns. He's going to bore us to death the same he did himself.'

Lily actually smiled now. 'Fine. You know what I'm talking about, though. Despite all that I don't hate him, and I like the roguish attitude sometimes. He's handsome...'

She must have seen that I was amused and she immediately became flustered. 'Remus, don't... don't say anything to him please. It's actually not what you think.'

I sighed a stretched, still grinning. She smiled, too.

'Maybe we can talk about this more after I finish this assignment for charms. There are other things on my mind that I need to figure out how to say to you.'


	3. Part 1: Chapter 2

A/N- I'm sure as I post more chapters, their pattern will become obvious to everyone... I hope you don't mind this bit of Sirius and James fluff for character set-up. Also, it might seem odd that Remus appears omniscient, but I suppose that happens when you die in the wizarding world, right? Anyway sorry for the delay- my bf's mother was staying with us so things were a bit busy...

* * *

><p>It was unnaturally warm for mid-October, and the change in temperature had muddled our heads and left us in a state of lethargy that threatened the outcomes of our exams the next week. I had been laying on a red and gold blanket, which Mrs. Potter had lovingly knitted for me one Christmas, for so long that I had completely sunk into my bed. The sun had just set and it wasn't so late, but there was no hope of me rolling over and getting up to study now.<p>

My eyes were closing when Sirius kicked open the door, jerking me out of my premature dozing. Somewhere across the room Peter made a startled sound and dropped his wand. I looked over at the door to acknowledge Sirius, and glanced at Peter in time to see him settle back into his seat near the window, lift his wand, and send little sparks out towards a spider. It scurried across the window, was met with more sparks, and changed its direction. More sparks flew towards it and it turned again. Peter must have been at this game as long as I had been in bed.

'Where's James?' Sirius rapped his knuckles on my trunk. 'Hello, kids? What's the matter with you two?'

I grunted and tried to shrug. Sirius knocked harder until I kicked my foot towards him half-heartedly.

'Stop it... look, I'm up now, alright?' I rubbed my eyes but didn't actually sit up. 'I think he mentioned he needed to take a trip to Hogsmeade, but I can't remember for certain. I've been in a sort of dream state for two hours.'

He rolled his eyes and sat down on the bed across from me. He looked down when he noticed he was on Peter's sweater, and as he looked around and hopped a bit to move it from under him a few of his dark brown curls fell into his eyes. 'Last time he went to Hogsmeade he didn't even take the cloak. He's getting rather cocky about the secret passages. I don't want him jumping out of one one day and into a professor's face.'

Peter snorted, 'You're underestimating our Prongs. He's smart enough to check the map before 'jumping out' of anywhere. Why are you so worried?'

Sirius stood, scowling at him, and walked briskly to his bed. 'Because,' he started angrily, grabbing his messenger bag off the floor and rummaging through it, 'how exactly is he going to take precautions like that when he hasn't got this.' He held up our map and waved it around over his head.

Peter stared and him blankly. I squinted at him from the bed, not even turning my head to look at him properly. The dim light of our dormitory made it difficult to focus, especially as the torch light was flickering erratically from some unnoticeable draft. Sirius sighed and let his arm fall heavily to his side. Without another word to us he grabbed the messenger bag, took something silvery yet translucent from James's and walked out. From the bed I could hear his heavy, disappointed steps muffled by the stone stairs until the great wooden door to our room swung shut behind him. After a moment I heard Peter nestle into a more comfortable position and I myself closed my eyes in my own comfort.

Sirius clutched the messenger bag tightly with his right hand and the map just as tightly in his left. At this moment he needed only to make it to the passageway before James, but which would he use? Sirius narrowed it down to James's favourites: one in a statue on the third floor, and one behind a mirror on the fourth. He moved quickly to the end of the corridor and rounded the corner, speeding up when he saw the stairs begin to change. As he half-leapt at the stairs in front of him, he knocked into Lily Evans's shoulder rather hard. He glance back to his left, meeting her cool green eyes for a moment. But they weren't cool as they usually were, passing judgment on him as they did on James. They were wide and almost inquiring. He suddenly wanted to talk to her.

She turned away and, but for a brief hesitation akin to his, continued her pace presumably to the Gryffindor Common Room. He looked ahead, took a breath, and continued down the stairs, shaking his hair from his brown eyes. For a moment his body had nearly forced him to turn around and leap, rather dangerously, off the staircase. It was a subconscious pull, but he was very much aware of it. Why, though, did he need to talk to Lily tonight? There were other pretty girls in the Gryffindor Tower, and he would certainly talk to some of them later that very night... if that was the reason. He had a sudden though that his desire to talk to her came from something he had noticed that he hadn't noticed before, but now he couldn't quite put his finger on what that was.

He skipped on one foot and rounded a railing onto the last staircase to the third floor. He glanced over the map for less than a second and knew James was still nowhere to be found. It was funny, after so many years of looking for that name he could always catch it at first glance. He stopped near the door to the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. Two younger Hufflepuffs, huddled together and pouring over a thick book, were the only other people in the hall. They argued quietly and did not pay Sirius any mind, but he stepped back into the shadows carefully to keep them from noticing him at all.

When Sirius looked back down at the map, he swore without regard for his original plan of staying quiet.

'Fourth floor... why the fourth floor?' he muttered, taking off at a run back the way he came. Once again he jumped onto the stairs in front of him, but as he started running up them and lifted his head, he saw someone step onto the same staircase from the top. It began to move, and the two young men now had to pass each other in tight quarters. And Severus Snape wasn't someone Sirius enjoyed sharing the stairs with.

'Black.'

'Snivillus.'

Snape's dark, almost black, eyes shone in the torchlight. Flames were reflected in them in a somewhat hostile way that deeply bothered Sirius. His own were simply clear, sharp, and angry.

Snape understood the message and regarded it as an invitation to take a step closer. 'You know, Black, when I look down at you I can see what you really are. This must be how your parents see you when you return home for the holidays: small, pathetic, weak, and lonely. And without your friends flanking you, it's more than obvious what a disappointment you are.'

'Disappointment?' Sirius began, pushing back his shoulders. 'I don't think my scores are much worse than my brother's. And I admit James makes a better Seeker than I do, but he's better than Regulus too so my guess is that he and I are well matched,' Snape began to make a sound but Sirius cut him off before he had formed anything beyond his sneer.

'Oh, sorry, is this about my loyalties, Snape?' He barked out a laugh. 'Is this because I haven't licked any Pureblood boots today? And to think, we always thought you had a thing for Lily! But what's she again?'

Snape's face somehow became paler. 'No, I-'

'A Mudblood, that's right. I wonder if my parents would adopt you, they'd be so proud to have a disgusting bigot like you living under their roof... You could discuss all sorts of fanatical rubbish with them, but I think even they would be shocked to find you're a Death Eater-'

'What are you-' Snape shrieked and lunged at Sirius, but he ducked around him and started to sprint, jumping two stairs at a time, but during their exchange of insults the stairs had already began to move away from the floor Sirius needed to get to, and using the other side of the corridor would add too much time to Sirius's trip to the large mirror James would soon be using to enter the school.

Snape was by no means slow on his feet, and quickly regained his composure and ran right after Sirius. Sirius barely made the leap onto the platform, but his relief vanished when he felt something behind him.

'Black-'

Without a thought, Sirius spun around and in one motion reached around as far as he could, grabbing the back of Snape's robes. The black haired boy's arms flailed only until one clutched the bannister and the other managed to grasp Sirius's outstretched arm. He yanked Snape towards him and they let go of each other immediately.

Snape's look of fear evaporated from his deep, dark eyes and he resumed the special form of scowling reserved for the Marauders. 'If you were Potter, you would have let me fall,' he said. It was an acknowledgement without passing any judgment or making any assumptions. 'Though I suppose you would have had your reasons.'

Sirius walked away and Snape made no attempt to follow him.

As soon as he was away from the moving stairs he took off at a run. His footsteps echoed off the dark walls, and the absence of any other sound relieved him. When the mirror ahead of him opened up, he abruptly stopped and bent over, breathing hard.

'What were you running for, Padfoot?' James almost laughed when his best friend looked up at him. He realised it rather suddenly. 'Come on, what trouble could I get in now? It's our last year!'

Sirius, still panting, looked down at the stone floor. James frowned and put a large hand on his friend's shoulder. 'Mate, I'm sorry. I should have taken the cloak, I know. Stand up, that's it...'

'You could... at least...' Sirius started between breaths, 'think a bit about... I dunno, maybe what your friends... what your friends think when you run off without anything. I know you needed to take a trip but we've been kings of this school for years, Prongs. Let's not give that up because we aren't careful.'

James kept silent as they walked back to the stairs and up to the Gryffindor Tower, luckily without running into anyone. It was almost half past nine and most students, in preparation for the heavy load of tests and essays that came right before Halloween, had their books and parchments out in the Common Rooms or in their beds. Even the professors had retired for the night, just before the curfew.

The heavy wooden door to our dormitory swung open and I snapped out of the daze my transfiguration assignment had put me in. As James entered Peter waved at him in greeting and proposed a game of cards.

'That one's idiotic without at least four people,' Sirius chimed in. 'Moony, get up already. It isn't even your time of month.'

I knew he meant it as a joke but I frowned a bit. He noticed and muttered a quick apology as I stumbled out of bed and to his side. James smirked.

'Come on Moony, I've got a bit of chocolate for you. Eat it up, everything's alright.'

I glared at him. 'I'm not sure if that was a kind offer or a menstruation joke.'

'It was a menstruation joke,' James said.

Peter, who had already settled on the floor and started to deal looked up with bright eyes. 'I could go and get some, you know, probably I could find it, if you really do want some choco-'

'Shut up, Wormtail.' James cut him off. 'Alright; now let's play.'


End file.
